Here's the story of
a loser, not this
loser, but an even
worse loser
a loser, not this
loser, but an even
worse loser
This time of year is always kinda slow between school starting and the days shortening so we enjoy alot of
peaceful quiet nights at the pub in September. Last night was not one of those nights since we had the
Noisegods who blast heavy metal music and we had a giant jackass attack. I stayed home most of the night
enjoying the electric storms and complete darkness that my front porch affords me. When I got back to work
I was pretty damned relaxed and not about to allow my state of mental calm to be disrupted by a oversized
jackass who is, by the way, on our lifers list. I noticed his presence at the bar and calmly asked him when I
had granted him clemency for his heinous crimes. He had no answer other than he was really drunk and he
loves the NoiseGods and thought it worth trying to sneak back in to enjoy the "rock n roll man"(he must have
said that five dozen times). Not wanting to risk my relaxed state with the normal runaround associated with
removing someone(especially a 6'5 300 pounder) I foolishly told the jackass he could stay for the rest of the
night. Yes this makes me a hypocrite and a fool. This also indicates how rare and valued a state of
mental calm is to me. Read on and you will be gratified by the next chapter.
So the bar is very empty and the few of us still there are enjoying the tunes, getting tight, feeling good.
Being entertained by a small band of dancing girls, Abigail singing Pantera, and great songs like "Bodies"
was a pretty good way to wind up the weekend. That is until I heard the dreaded four letter word that can
turn happy to sad, pleasure into disgust, and it even has been known to make me spontaneously dry heave.
"He just puked all over" the Sheriff says in a matter a fact tone.
I wheel around to see that indeed this giant jerk has puked all over the floor and is heading into the mens
room with his mouth covered. I immediately know that he is going to puke all over the bathroom and turn my
head with a painful wince. My minds fires ignite and take a big swallow of turkey juice. When will I learn?
After about five minutes the giant puker emerges, I hand him a roll of paper towels and he tries to deny his
crime. I suggest that he consider the audience of witnesses and get wiping before I have to mace him. He
obliges but his drunkenness prevents much more than a small effort and he bails out the door, leaving a toxic
trail of gut slop. Sobered by the atrocity I quickly realize that now he is my problem and can't let him drive his
vehicle. I send the Captain to stop him and offer a ride home which he refuses and wheels away. What a
jerk.....
Our customary stop at the new late night Modern Diner for breakfast provides the next chapter. The giant
jackass is at the diner, re-filling his empty stomach and is indifferent to seeing the staff from the
establishment he just vomited all over. I thank him for his mess and remind him that he is not welcome to
return, ever, and he is a jerk for driving drunk. He just smirks and I think about making a citizens arrest but
reconsider because I can't get into the law enforcement business(yet). The best I could do is have the
Captain tell him that the cops have been called and they are watching that car. This sends the giant jackwad
into a little panic and he quickly leaves and heads down the street on foot. We all kinda chuckle and take a
little victory for our cause, the good cause. Pretty soon he comes back to pay his bill and then stands
around out front for a while before getting into his car and driving off. I figure all the time he spent eating and
stalling around had sobered him up at least a little and took some comfort in that.
peaceful quiet nights at the pub in September. Last night was not one of those nights since we had the
Noisegods who blast heavy metal music and we had a giant jackass attack. I stayed home most of the night
enjoying the electric storms and complete darkness that my front porch affords me. When I got back to work
I was pretty damned relaxed and not about to allow my state of mental calm to be disrupted by a oversized
jackass who is, by the way, on our lifers list. I noticed his presence at the bar and calmly asked him when I
had granted him clemency for his heinous crimes. He had no answer other than he was really drunk and he
loves the NoiseGods and thought it worth trying to sneak back in to enjoy the "rock n roll man"(he must have
said that five dozen times). Not wanting to risk my relaxed state with the normal runaround associated with
removing someone(especially a 6'5 300 pounder) I foolishly told the jackass he could stay for the rest of the
night. Yes this makes me a hypocrite and a fool. This also indicates how rare and valued a state of
mental calm is to me. Read on and you will be gratified by the next chapter.
So the bar is very empty and the few of us still there are enjoying the tunes, getting tight, feeling good.
Being entertained by a small band of dancing girls, Abigail singing Pantera, and great songs like "Bodies"
was a pretty good way to wind up the weekend. That is until I heard the dreaded four letter word that can
turn happy to sad, pleasure into disgust, and it even has been known to make me spontaneously dry heave.
"He just puked all over" the Sheriff says in a matter a fact tone.
I wheel around to see that indeed this giant jerk has puked all over the floor and is heading into the mens
room with his mouth covered. I immediately know that he is going to puke all over the bathroom and turn my
head with a painful wince. My minds fires ignite and take a big swallow of turkey juice. When will I learn?
After about five minutes the giant puker emerges, I hand him a roll of paper towels and he tries to deny his
crime. I suggest that he consider the audience of witnesses and get wiping before I have to mace him. He
obliges but his drunkenness prevents much more than a small effort and he bails out the door, leaving a toxic
trail of gut slop. Sobered by the atrocity I quickly realize that now he is my problem and can't let him drive his
vehicle. I send the Captain to stop him and offer a ride home which he refuses and wheels away. What a
jerk.....
Our customary stop at the new late night Modern Diner for breakfast provides the next chapter. The giant
jackass is at the diner, re-filling his empty stomach and is indifferent to seeing the staff from the
establishment he just vomited all over. I thank him for his mess and remind him that he is not welcome to
return, ever, and he is a jerk for driving drunk. He just smirks and I think about making a citizens arrest but
reconsider because I can't get into the law enforcement business(yet). The best I could do is have the
Captain tell him that the cops have been called and they are watching that car. This sends the giant jackwad
into a little panic and he quickly leaves and heads down the street on foot. We all kinda chuckle and take a
little victory for our cause, the good cause. Pretty soon he comes back to pay his bill and then stands
around out front for a while before getting into his car and driving off. I figure all the time he spent eating and
stalling around had sobered him up at least a little and took some comfort in that.